Healing Cafe Message 10th May 2020
“I can see clearly now the rain is gone.
I can see all obstacles in my way.
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind.
It’s gonna be a bright, bright sunshinin’ day
It’s gonna be a bright, bright, sunshinin’ day.
Oh yes, I can make it now the pain is gone
All of the bad feelings have disappeared
Here is that rainbow I’ve been praying for
It’s gonna be a bright, bright sunshinin’ day
Look all around, there’s nothing but blue skies
Look straight ahead, there’s nothing but blue skies” Jimmy Cliff
YAY it is MOTHER’S DAY.
IT REALLY IS MOTHER’S DAY.
No matter who you are or who you think you are or who you want to be or change your personality or your address.
YOU STILL HAVE A MOTHER – You were not hatched on a wall or under a cabbage leaf in a vege patch or swung here in a cloth via a stork.
You might have been adopted or you might have a story that is beyond belief, however,
EVERY SINGLE PERSON ON THIS PLANET HAS HAD A MOTHER FROM WHOM THEY HAVE COME.
So – is this a news alert or am I really just saying and reminding everybody about something they already know. Also, how’s this …………… YOU CHOSE YOUR MOTHER………………
She arrived to teach you about life, about yourself and about our planet except we all learn from each other. I look at my grandkids, the ones who are in my life and know they are teaching me stuff mainly about myself.
How are we feeling?
How are you feeling about your relationship with your mother even if she is no longer here?
I used to get paranoid about my kids that they didn’t love me for a reason.
That they were punishing me for something I did or said or thought or acted on.
When in actual fact it wasn’t about me at all. They’re still trying to teach me stuff about myself.
All I did – was give birth to them. That was my part to play in this world.
What they did with that life I gave to them was their choice.
Their choice to take on board the teachings, the lessons, the behaviours, the remedies, the addictions, the dramas within the family karma drama system – is THEIRS.
Not mine – I did my bit. I gave birth – I kept them safe until they were adults.
Then they were on their own.
What they have done since, is their choice.
Yes of course, you have to teach them right from wrong – your right from wrong; society’s, politics, whatever – to keep them safe.
However, what you gave them and what you are giving them for those with little children is the responsibility to make choices. Share with them what could happen, not based on your own emotions and background and history – on facts. What will likely happen if you do jump out of that window thinking you can fly, that sort of thing.
And then they grow to the ripe old age of 18 when they are “adults” and think they know everything and sometimes they do. They do know what will happen if they jump out of the window and some do make that choice; unless it’s murder of course and that’s a whole new set of circumstances.
What happens in the mothering field is that often mothers are trying to hold onto a part of themselves that they are yet to find or thought they had it but are lost.
Let me share a story now about my own mother and how she mothered me and my four sisters.
Her background was only what she shared with us.
One of my brothers in law has completed an ancestry family tree where he would know facts, dates, places, occupations, history.
What I know is what my mother shared with me and a lot of it was when my Dad died and Mum came to live with me for a few months until she was re-located into a retirement village or as they are called now resorts for over 50s I think.
Mum wasn’t one to sit and talk, she was a doer and used to be always doing things, so she didn’t have long conversations when we were growing up, it was about housework. She was struggling of course she was, many women, probably most women were struggling doing everything but mostly they just got on with it – well I know my mother did.
Mum shared with me how her mother died at age 35 when my Mum was 15. So I never knew or met my maternal grandmother.
Mum knew she had been sick for a long time; she knew she had breast cancer and she knew the family had to travel to Brisbane from Milla Milla, North Queensland on a train.
The family was my Mum her two younger siblings, Ken and Colleen and her Dad, that’s it.
Her Dad got pneumonia and her Mum died while her Dad was in the hospital very sick.
Now sisters who may be watching here, this is what Mum told me, ok.
My mum depended on Legacy to help her organize a funeral for her mother.
Remember she was 15 years old.
When Mum shared this story, I didn’t ask her details like what the funeral was like, who was there.
Nobody would have been there; she didn’t know anybody or who was looking after her siblings while Dad was in the hospital.
There were many questions that I could, maybe should have asked however, I was dealing with my own life, my own family of 5 kids. I had just been made a grandmother for the first time and going through a divorce all at the same time that Dad died, Mum came to live with us and my eldest sister’s husband died a month later. It was just a horrific time for our family.
So, I listened to a story of what it was like for my Mum being my Mum at 15, that was a major time in her life, that was that specific time she was caught in.
To me, she was a great Mum for somebody who really didn’t know how to be a Mum. Her mother was very sick before she died remember and she died when Mum was only 15. She may have been sick for years, Mum had to learn a lot of stuff on her own. Her father would have been the income earner.
I know they lived on a cattle farm so if he was a farmer, gosh and doing everything; it would have been hard. Except Mum never said it was hard.
We were not bought up to say things are hard. It was life and how it was.
Mum taught us how to clean the house, how to cook, how to sew, how to do a lot of things, like our own washing once we went to high school – now that was a very special time, to be old enough to do our own washing – wowza.
Mum was keen to learn all sorts of things. She even learned how to use the computer while in her eighties. She was on Facebook for goodness sakes up to just before her 92nd birthday.
She taught us how to be safe basically. Look at me, I survived, didn’t I?
Of course, she didn’t know about the weird side of life that we’re exposed to now however she did teach us basically right from wrong.
Love was unconditional, whatever was going on in our lives she was interested however we – well me, I only shared what I felt she needed to hear.
So of course, my kids are the same now. Did they inherit that gene? They will only share with me what they think I need to hear.
I get it and if somebody says to you that the most you will learn about life is from your own kids – they are absolutely on track.
Sometimes I hear people say that they wished they didn’t hear so much from their kids that it’s like “too much information”.
Because Mother’s Day always falls on the 2nd Sunday, we as children went along to Sunday school and on Mother’s Day, a white carnation would be handed out and that is what we would give our mothers. There were no gifts, Dad didn’t get involved. He would say – it’s Mother’s Day.
There was no going out for meals, no special gifts, no whatever, so I grew up with that no importance placed on it too much thing until I was married to the Italian family and then…………
Whoa it became a very big deal.
Yes, so my level of expectation changed. I became very interested in Mother’s Day and of course the media and now social media have impacted on this event.
A few years ago, I would plummet into depression on Mother’s Day if my kids didn’t perform how I expected them to.
So, since all this work I have done on myself, it’s like ‘whatever’ will be will be. The future’s not ours to see que sera sera – what will be will be. Doris Day – do you remember?
That’s one song my Mum used to like to sing to us.
Also, Judy Garland’s “somewhere over the rainbow”………………
Relax, it’s all good – I won’t subject you to my singing voice again, however one day and I will throw this out at you Jess, because it’s mother’s day and I can say whatever I like and also because you are my daughter and I know you.
Jessica has the most amazing voice. When I heard her sing one night when she was in Grade 11 or 12, she reached a pitch of opera that blew my brain to tears.
She sounded like an angel.
I have pushed, pushed, pushed her to please share that beauty and has she?
Well she says she shares it with her son except that’s not the point.
The world needs to hear that sound. That is healing.
Yeah I feel her cringing so I will stop and yes, clearly her singing voice has probably come from the Italian side, however I do vaguely remember one of my sisters saying that our great grandmother on one side was an opera singer, one day when I’m older I’ll look into that again and may be suitably impressed with what I find in my family root system.
Hey, did anyone or has anyone listened to Esther Hicks?
Here’s a quote of hers around the visualization of life and paddling upstream or heading up in the world or upwards and onwards and all that blah blah blah. Travelling upstream is not the answer, it is too hard.
Best and easiest is to go with the flow and point downstream.
Do not make life so difficult – disease – dis ease….. Dis upstream – ease downstream…… and the biggy of what I got from Esther Hicks audio was ‘JOY IS the TROPHY from paddling downstream. There are no prizes or no trophies for paddling upstream. Just stress.
People say “fight it Kath” – no I’m not fighting it; I’m not fighting anymore.
I’m not fighting with my family. I have no right to try to control their lives.
They will see me if they want; it’s their choice.
I just gave birth to their lives – remember.
Learning is continuous and through pain and struggling, there is time to continue to learn and grow and share and learn some more and sleep some more and meditate some more and grow some more through Facebook and this Healing Café.
Didn’t you love Niamh Cronin’s post – the green, the girl in slumber under the ground, not necessarily dead, maybe hidden or hiding, forming the roots of the tree, could represent a family tree with stories hidden, entangled roots, memories not told, not shared. Yes, there but not really there. A very very powerful print. I’d love to have it printed actually, framed and hanging in my bedroom maybe.
Oh gosh Niamh helps me so much with her words that show up always just at the right time. She shared an emerald green healing light message for me on Friday, so I did wear that this morning and now here I am in this chartreuse – this colour is half-way between green and yellow Danielle.
Now Danielle Chapman Art Therapy and Counselling and her Live presentations around the emotional understanding of colours in the course she’s compiling is fascinating. Is everybody following?
So, yesterday’s yellow and today’s green – here we are with chartreuse which is halfway between the two, yellow and green and because this colour is more yellow, it’s called chartreuse yellow or mellow yellow.
They call me mellow yellow quite right, they call me mellow yellow, Donovan remember. It was the favourite colour of my first husband Bob, so there.
Influences – Chartreuse can increase physical and mental/social energy and enthusiasm. It can encourage us to go outside and enjoy nature and wildlife. Chartreuse can also increase positive thinking and optimism. Because chartreuse is made up of yellow and green, two colors which are strongly associated with envy/jealousy and ill health, the same association can be made with chartreuse.
My second husband’s favourite colour was pink when I was with him.
Pink allegedly is the colour of love. Hence why I have pink quartz around my house.
I wonder if they knew what my favourite colour was.
With this knowledge and also understanding the colour purple and what that means with domestic violence. It actually represents the bruising.
Here is a quote from the website about Purple:
“Purple. The color of a shade on a color wheel, the color of a wildflower on a hill country road, and the color for the awareness of Domestic Violence. But the shade of purple we tend to forget the most is the color of the bruises we can’t see underneath our clothes.”
Awareness of Domestic and Family violence on Wednesday the 6th was highlighted by Di Riddell posting that on Facebook, it was such a hush hush mention through the media.
I tried to find statistics so I could compare the impact of the deaths and people affected by this except there wasn’t any. Well maybe if I kept digging I would have found it except….
The casual mention of statistics in item 3 or 4 of the news was unbelievable compared to this Corona-Virus thing as well. Look I am not downplaying the impact of that Covid-19.
Yes, it is terribly sad that we have lost 97 people with the Corona Virus however how many have we lost as a direct result of Domestic and Family Violence and even as importantly indirectly through the death of our frontline workers, suicide, children affected, deaths, murder, alleged accidents, car accidents and on and on and on.
Fear is a great way to control people. Yeah we’re not going there right now – relax…….
Connection is absolutely imperative with whoever you want to connect with.
Be in presence, be in connection, be in service.
Part of me runs a business of service to others.
Part of me wants to run a membership program.
Part of me wants to sleep and part of me wants to work and then I get tired and then I just sleep.
I know how it feels to suffer; hence I know how to sit with a person in that space.
No, I do not push the suffering, I sit with them. I am confident enough to hold that space.
I know they will work through it, yes it is painful, yes your body will warn you first, yes, you can act on the warnings immediately or not, it’s a choice – will you survive, yes, you absolutely will survive.
However, remember this human gig is not forever, it is not perpetual, yes, you too will pass.
NEVER UNDERESTIMATE YOUR SUPER-POWERS – YOU ARE MEANT TO BE HERE. YOU ARE OF SERVICE TO OTHERS – GO OUT THERE AND DO IT AND IF YOU CAN’T, THEN CALL ME, I WILL HELP YOU, I WILL GUIDE YOU, I WILL SUPPORT YOU WHEN THE GOING GETS TOUGH AND YOU’RE NOT SURE OF YOUR SELF OR WHAT YOU’RE DOING OR HOW AND ALL YOU NEED IS HONEST FEEDBACK – HERE I AM.
Yeah I love helping guide and inspiring people who are in business for themselves and reaching for the stars in ways beyond my comprehension sometimes, however they do access me for what I am good at and Leo Petrik, bless him was honest enough to tell me the other night at the Wealth Dynamics meeting “Kath you’re a great intuitive counsellor however you’re shit at business” and I know Nick would have agreed with him. Nick’s my bookkeeper, thank you and unfortunately, I fail continuously playing that game.
Sorry, to me it is a game and I know I should know it, except I don’t, and I don’t want to, that’s why I have him.
I’m good at what I do know, and we can’t be good at everything can we?
Speaking of which, busting to hear Di Riddell’s “How to speak confidently without fear” webinar – gosh public speaking it’s hard.
To me, this is sort of cheating, I’m just on my own tangent here, yeah, I know you’re watching except I can’t see the visual feedback which happens when you speak in public.
Right now, judgements only happen if someone gives them which a lot do and I love it, I learn from that. Good, bad, ugly, that is the viewing audience, that’s how we grow.
Without the truth, golly gee, how can we grow? Isn’t that what it’s all about and if your gut doesn’t feel right about that feedback, don’t take it on, geez you don’t have to become what everyone else wants but if it causes you to not sleep at night and you worry about it or you take it all personally, hey you have work to do on yourself don’t you?
And now to close, it has been exactly one year ago last Thursday 7th that I de-wigged on my KC Consulting Facebook page so here we go again – the anniversary of the unveiling.
This is me, in reality – yes, it will grow back, maybe more slowly, however not bald anymore.
Pain you ask. You bet, yes, it is horrible and on and on it goes. Is there a reason? Who knows?
Why me – why not me? All of that.
I have trust and faith in the medical team. I am not in their best interest to die yet.
I will survive and I am another mother on Mother’s Day.
I wish you all well Mum’s, Mother’s Grandmothers and Nannas out there. Mother’s in Law, past and present; Daughters who are mothers whether they want to talk and communicate with their mothers or not. Daughter’s in Law. And sometimes sisters who buy their sister gifts – look at what my sister has just brought around for me – please note the colour Niamh and Danielle…….. emerald green
Oh yes Cheryl and even mothers to our animal furry pets in whatever form.
R.I.P. Stollie; that’s the name of Jessica’s staffie who passed through the week, Tuesday actually.
Eli, who just left before kept telling me Grandma Stollie died, she’s gone now and then he would repeat it in case I hadn’t heard or maybe he was trying to convince himself.
Keep loving, that’s why we are here.
See you all next week.