Healing Cafe Message 19th April 2020

Welcome to the Healing Café  

I’m Kathleen Casagrande, Managing Director of KC Consulting Systems.

Well look at us – we did survive Easter then, AND the virus, AND mental health challenges – well ……. maybe……

So, if Easter is over why am I still buying hot cross buns AND why am I still smothering them in butter and consuming two at a time – why?  Why? 

Being in physical isolation – well whatever that means to you – can be dangerous for the health regarding food.

Look at what I made this morning just to get rid of that chocolate I showed you last week – the organic one that tasted – well not as nice as the bad chocolate I don’t think. 

4 ingredients in these little beauties.  Kind recipe from Elisha, my daughter in law who presents many recipes online in her Instagram following and Feel Be Look site. 

And what’s this “stuck at home” stuff about?  Who the hell thinks they’re STUCK at home?  There are no chains holding you down – sorry didn’t mean to plummet to that level so soon.  Listen to the overall message that comes through.  You can still walk near the water if that’s what you enjoy.  You can still walk through the park, yes there are limitations to equipment etc.  You are not STUCK – just play the game for a short time, it’s ok it is not the end of the world.  Look I’m still cooking, I still make a mess, I still have to clean up my mess – especially when I don’t secure the lid to the nutria-bullet when it is full of products that spray across my kitchen when turned on and make a mess that sends me struggling with my own self-esteem and words surrounding that. 

Apologies, we didn’t need to go there either.  The word STUCK as in at home…….that comes under the same heading as “I’m bored, there’s nothing to do” – what the????

Clean the windows, read a book, walk, go help out somewhere else then, if you’ve done it all at home. 

I remember when we were young, there’s not a chance in hell we would be game to say we were bored.

Geez Mum had heaps for us to do.  June and I loved cleaning the bathroom – remember June, those plastic tiles?  And the polishing machine for the wooden floors.  We would pull sox on to help with the process and sometimes pull each other by the feet so our backs would polish as well. 

Remember the day I got that huge splinter right up the middle of my back?  Or was it you June?  We were so close; I would feel her pain if she was hurt and take it on of course like a true empath even in those days.  No, we were not twins, however pretty close in years, 17 months, I think. 

Anyway, we were definitely not bored.  We just didn’t think about that word, well I hadn’t heard it anyway, but then I’m pretty old and it hadn’t been invented yet.  

I think that word ‘bored’ rolled out around the same time computers were invented, no it was more in the 80s I think; well that’s when I first heard it being dropped.

Who’s bored?  Who would be game to say they’re bored?  Funnily my kids still quote from me “only boring people get bored” and we all laugh because we know that’s what I used to say to them when they were young. 

Funnily enough, here is a great topic to be directed into and an area a heap of people have bought to my attention just in the last week or maybe longer except it’s taken a week to mull through my head and I’ll talk about why later (under the heading of – addictions):

It’s the Impostor syndrome (also known as impostor phenomenon, impostorism, fraud syndrome or the impostor experience) is a psychological pattern in which one doubts one’s accomplishments and has a persistent internalized fear of being exposed as a “fraud”.

Impostor syndrome definition: the feeling that your achievements are not real or that you do not deserve praise or success:

Impostor Syndrome is a pervasive feeling of self-doubt, insecurity, or fraudulence despite often overwhelming evidence to the contrary. It strikes smart, successful individuals and mainly women. 

Do you know what?  So what?  So what if we are choosing to play that game – so what?  If being an imposter gets you through?  Ok – it’s pretending to be someone you’re not or maybe exaggerating who you are into someone you esteem to be or want to become. 

Just remember at the end of the day, you are the one with your head on the pillow knowing how you spent the day, knowing what you do and most importantly knowing for a fact what is real and what is the truth.

So sack the guilt around it for goodness sakes. 

What if you were play-acting – what if all the actors on TV and at the theatre were presenting themselves in reality – how would that be?  How would that look?  What is it that we truly, really want?  Are we all actors; are we living a lot of lies for survival? 

Do we want the world to see the real us anyway and what if the real us were standing all together and being the real us – what then?

The real me? Am I the real me – am I an imposter?  Maybe as you, the viewers here see a woman with sort of long blonde hair – sort of clear skin, sort of a ‘certain’ weight – well you can’t see all of me, you can’t really see under the wig yet can you?  You can’t see the real me in my body and there is no way you’re going to – actually often I don’t really want to, to be honest. 

What if I wasn’t speaking the truth? What if I am an imposter?

Yes, I do lay my head on the pillow at night and know the difference. Yes, I am free of guilt; I have confidence knowing that a lot of the words I use are beneficial.

Some say I normalize what they are feeling when I put them into words.

Do I consider myself an imposter when sometimes I just want to shout or even scream at certain people, sometimes members of my own family? Well hell yes, do I – God no!

So, does that make me an imposter and a fraud – yeah probably. Do I choose to use those words about myself – maybe. Does it affect me? Nope.

How confident am I knowing the difference – bloody hell I’ve worked on my confidence for around 30 years, really worked on it, now I think I’ve got it right which somehow gives me the authority to speak to you guys.  Well that’s what I’ve decided anyway – AND here I am. 

How are we feeling?  Yeah I slam-dunked that mis-use of reality right there. 

So how about this?

SO BLOODY WHAT IF YOU ARE PLAYING THE IMPOSTER SYNDROME AS THEY CALL IT?

So, what if sometimes you feel like you are a fraud at the end of the day? The next day you can wake up knowing the truth, knowing what you are doing is actually saving your soul, sometimes from reality.

Sometimes the fear of being yourself is overwhelming to the point where you really do need to just stop and then step out somewhere else – remember nature – remember Mother Earth’s healing powers?  Step out into nature and just breathe – just simply breathe. 

Another reminder for us all came home to me with a massive reminder and a huge and overwhelming sadness through the week while I watched the ABC production of “Storm in a Teacup”  in which Australian artist Leon Pericles faces his greatest challenge: holding an exhibition of his life’s works while facing the mental decline of his wife and collaborator Moira, as Alzheimer’s disease turns their world upside down.

At the end the statistics rolled out how every 3 seconds someone here in Australia is diagnosed with Dementia.  It is the No 1 killer of women here in Australia.

Now that, that in itself is scary particularly the impact of the love of the family around the mother, the wife, the strong one deteriorating rapidly.   

Through the beautiful magnificence of music and the continual bond of family unity, well that part overwhelmed me.

What’s extremely troubling is when families are not united and are not together and the alienation of those who really should be the closest ………..are not……….that, that in itself is sad just so very very sad.  That is a virus that could be better focused on, that is a killer nobody really wants to talk about hey?  Oh let’s not sensationalize the break down in the human family. 

Let’s not bring our world to a halt until that one is addressed. 

At the end of the show ‘Storm in a Teacup” the daughter narrator said “Hold on tight as a family, however fleeting” as they were flying a magnificent kite all together at the end. 

Were they imposters?  Gosh yes, with their parents, particularly the one suffering Alzheimer’s – is that bad?

Know the difference dear ones – it’s ok to pretend sometimes.  It’s ok to even be a fraud – a legal one – — don’t go using somebody else’s signature or something like that. 

Look it is ok to act, to pretend, to play, to be an imposter as long as you know within your heart and soul, at the end of the day what is real, who you really are and if you want support or help with that – well here I am – or not – look for support or help if you want – find it – be led by your own genuiness.  With love, compassion, caring for your SELF.  These words carry weight – yes they are heavy. 

Aaaaanyway back to us here in the Healing Café.

What have you been up to?  Come on, share, come on – Di Riddell posted that great piece about colour, topics and the importance of being heard, speak up and speak out – your voice matters – thank you so much Di.  That was such a beautiful story.    

Nelda Walliss has started her on-line Line Dancing classes via Zoom.  What a hoot; loved it and great exercise too.  Got my cardio going AND my brain. 

A friend came over to force me to activate myself – yeah I know I could have easily have done it on my own and maybe it would have been less dangerous because we were bumping into each other – occasionally. 

When I genuinely learn the reality of the difference between my left and right, and when I turn around, well holy hell – it’s all got to be good for the brain as well hasn’t it?  Something about cross lateral movements, activating both hemispheres in a balanced way. These activities work both sides of the body evenly…Because both hemispheres and all four lobes of the brain, are activated, it’s a cognitive function and is heightened and ease of our learning increases.

So see, there is a meaning in my madness to do line-dancing classes plus the fact that it is great fun and I laugh out loud.  So does my friend who some could say is “stuck at home” as carer for her husband who has a physical disability however she would never say that, yes she is mostly an imposter, living a different life at home.  She came for line-dancing here for self-help.

See I’m surrounded by imposters and we all know the game.  Now Nelda’s Line Dancing classes are very professional with her instructing and can be attended by her flyer which she will post here in the Healing Café won’t you Nelda?

I have also been doing Cheryl’s yoga classes same as what I attended physically except now, they’re via Zoom and I have to say I am absolutely loving them. 

There’s not a chance in hell I would do yoga on my own with no guidance or no sound of instructions about how to stand, what organs are being activated, how to have my shoulder or ankle and breathe at the same time.  No way.

See I’m doing my bit.

Yes, there are exercise programs you can connect to on-line however are they personalized?  I watch them for like 2 minutes and then get ………. You know – bored.  Hahahaaa!!!!

It’s all personal growth and I’m happy to offer referrals when I love a process, more than happy to share and tell others.  Thank you for referring me to others as well; isn’t that what it’s all about huh? 

Don’t you reckon it’s interesting how this corona virus has forced us all inside, inside our heads to introspection.  Remember quiet introspection can be extremely valuable.  Thinking is not bad remember that.  It is called personal growth.  Travelling inside – it’s interesting what you may find. 

We need to find out what we are all about before we head out into the world again in the same direction, a different direction, a better one or a repeat and if so, if that’s what you have decided – fantastic – good on you.  As long as what you do makes you happy and no regrets. 

Ok now, next topic – aaaaand back to ………..ADDICTIONS. 

I’m not going to point at anybody because when you do that 3 fingers are pointing back at your self. 

Here are mine and these two are going to be minimized to a point of no, not eradication because they are necessary sometimes.

First is Facebook – slowing it all down.  Facebook has become too noisy in my life and in my world.  Yes, I know I am on it now, here in the Healing Café and see there are benefits. 

However, my random scrolling at midnight is not healthy.  Nor is random scrolling 10 times a day not healthy and who is counting anyway – it could be more for some; it may not be that much for me I don’t know.  What I do know is that it is bloody time-consuming.

I will sit down to eat my breakfast and does that normally take an hour?  Geez, random hours are disappearing.

So, the new normal for me is not cold turkey – I will not just stop everything. Oh, and if some want to go on a sabbatical, I’ve heard that works as well.  Going off social media completely for a week or two.  I sooooo, soooo admire those people.

I will minimize my time by setting my alarm on my mobile phone.  A lot of my work occurs via Facebook actually. 

I will check in at a certain time in the morning for a minimal timeframe and again in the afternoon and that is it. 

Unfortunately, well it’s not unfortunate actually, it is hugely fortunate that I have family and friends overseas and their timeframes are different as we know. 

So there I was texting my nephew in Sweden at 1am – see I would have missed that opportunity and then low and behold my beautiful friend Janet in Missouri America, came on just after or was it as a result of that post about the hand-sanitizer combusting – holy hell – did we all get that? 

Now that was scary – of course my daughter, the knowledgeable intelligent one, had to remind her mother that it is alcohol after all – well I knew that; no, I didn’t – well I forgot, yeah – yeah, no; yeah     

I do, however remember doing the experiments at school where we would put alcohol in the test tubes over the Bunsen burner.  Wonder if they still do those experiments at school or are they allowed to mix half the things we used to?

I know things have changed – slightly – ever since – not so slightly – massively – now the kids are at home predominantly being schooled. 

I wonder how my Mother would survive that process now?

Wowza yes, things have certainly changed, haven’t they? 

OK now my second addiction:  late nights.

Yes, I know I’ve been going on about these forever.  Justifying why they are so good for me, getting more work done, coming alive late at night, blah blah blah.

Well I am now going to literally force myself to go to bed at ………  11pm. 

Now I did say it’s not good to go cold turkey.

I cannot and will not start going to bed earlier, that would just not work.  I would lay there wide awake for even longer.  I tried that; I’ve tried it all. 

When my body is used to the 11pm gig, then and only then I may make it an hour earlier, I don’t know – I’ll see how I go.

Of course, it means getting up earlier in the morning doesn’t it?

So I do appreciate the look of the mornings; my body is just not happy then that’s all – ok my head isn’t either – my eyes, my face, yes, stop it Kath – just change your attitude. 

Change your cognitions – do what you do so well with the majority of your clients and PRACTISE WHAT YOU PREACH.

How many of us don’t practise what they preach huh? 

OMG am I an imposter?

Yes, I’ve taken the first step – I admit I have a problem – well two problems actually addictions.    

What are yours?  Are you ok to admit them – to yourself?

Yes, you will survive.  Yes, your life could and most probably would improve as a result of your changing one or maybe two behaviours in your life that are not serving you.

Yes, we will go down the CBT road. 

Yes, there are positive affirmations you can list about yourself and then speak them into your own eyes in the mirror every morning or night.   

I love you Kath; you’re doing fine; you are beautiful in all your power and magnificence; yes, you are successful whatever you do today, that sort of stuff.   

Cheryl’s visual imagery meditations; Nelda’s line-dancing meditations – who can think of anything else while doing or trying to do that huh?

Focus on something else is the key. 

It’s about helping yourself first before you can even consider helping others or as I’ve said before, when helping others first, sometimes you are helping yourself. 

We’ve been watching the amazing things people are doing out there in their communities helping others – it just lights up my soul and my heart. 

Services like meals on wheels, community working together to help one another – how beautiful – certainly lifts my spirit and never, ever focus on the negative – that just undoes everything. 

What is it you want?

Here’s one – binge on studying – how much DO you need to learn?  For how long then?  What will you do with all that knowledge?  Self-gratification, maybe helping others; supporting; teaching; sharing; mentoring; coaching; counselling. 

20,000 online TAFE courses; $100 million in higher education relief with a $4.6 billion dollar loss in international students. 

Why?  How – when it’s all online?  I don’t understand.  

So, thank you for reaching out, those who have.

Thank you for your trust AND referring others and remember if you prefer to work with males, I do know awesome men who are excellent counsellors. You’ll see them right here in our Healing Café. 

You will see them; all you have to do is look. 

Yes, guys you can promote yourself here and also in the Branches of Connection – that’s what that site is about as well.  Well it’s another group of people connecting and no it’s not all about trees – we just go with that theme because of the Branches part and Danielle and I just love trees – branches of connection meaning branch out into different directions as well. 

Many different meanings there hey. 

Georgia Phillips shared a live video just this morning in her 9 Conscious Choices Group, the interview with Dr Sherri Tenpenny and Dr Jason Dean – well worth the hour of education.  It will truly open up your awareness from people who are highly educated in their fields.  They are the people you listen to who have done the years of study, research, education and in the field. 

Yes, it is time, you do have time to get your mental, physical and spiritual homes in order – get onto it. 

I wish you all a brilliant week ahead full of introspection, working with your addictions, not against them, understanding why you do what you do and seeking support if you want. 

Take care everybody – we need you.

See you down the track ok. 

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