Healing Cafe Message 23rd February 2020

Good afternoon; allow me to introduce myself.

My name is Kathleen Casagrande and I am the Director of KC Consulting Systems and together with many other people associated with AIPC which is the Australian Institute of Professional Counsellors and also the Life Coaching Institute of Australia, this Healing Café has been created. 

I did forget to introduce myself last week – apologies.

There was a lot going on and

YES!!!!

YES, I will now forge ahead.

Nothing will stop me from speaking now.

Please don’t try to shut me down – I will only get louder.

The week without the internet/NBN was challenging.

You will notice that I am in a different café here – yes, it is my daughter’s house.

I considered going to McDonalds Café except there could be too many people and some of the things I’m going to talk about could upset others if they tune in.

I did warn you all that if you really don’t like what I talk about, please just switch me off.

It’s very easy really.

No, don’t switch me off by my life – switch the Healing Café channel off with me speaking. 

I truly, honestly don’t mind.

No problems whatsoever.

By the way who else gets annoyed or actually hates that “no problem” throw away terminology?

My hand is being held up right now.

When I rang the insurance company “no problem” was used in excess.

When I phoned the hire car company, the girl in Manilla, Philippines used “no problem Maam”…………grrrrrrr!!!!

Actually, I did have a friggin problem.

It’s like one of those fillers people use too often; it’s a habit. 

Anyway, back to our week and how it rolled since our Healing Café last Sunday.

Did you notice our reception was playing up and I had received notification from Telstra that they would be working on it on Monday?

Yes, I did go out with my sincere, beautiful friend Joy to celebrate my last treatment after our Café hangout. 

Thank God for good friends huh?

Thank God for Joy Browning.

I was determined to celebrate though which I think is quite important when one reaches an achievement or a goal. 

You saw me yesterday talking about my cooking – yeah, I know I’m fussy and I do like my own cooking. 

It’s just that sometimes it is nice to have to not think about it.

Yesterday I had bought a heap of veges and I did plan a big cook up for myself, I do do that and plan my meals for when I feel like crap as I had the week before.

Message here – plan your life; plan your work; work your plan. 

I just wasn’t planning to sleep for so long.

No alarm set being Saturday afternoon.

Catching up on my sleep debt.

All’s good though, I’ve made myself 3 meals as well as the one I had last night.

Now hoping the internet is connected tomorrow would be really nice.

Telstra did say the 24th February. 

It really is amazing how much we do depend on it.

Well I know I do.

Not being able to send invoices for one because it’s all tied in with Xero. 

Everything we do is connected somehow to the internet – even my Smart TV for a while – well until I totally lost it and that is a story in itself.

I had to resort to prayer for goodness sakes.

Geeeezzzzz!!!!

Because the week rolled out so amazingly full of coincidences that it was beyond my belief, I actually decided to write a Short Story about it.

I’ll post it into my website maybe (hopefully) next week. 

The whole stream of events was tied in with my BWIB – that’s Bayside Women In Business workshop and the lead up to that.

Even though the title was: “Love what you do, Find Your Passion” I decided to make it more applicable to my type of business, and added “Stress and other Addictions”  …….. as you do. 

See once you formulate the words, the Universe has a way of making that happen. 

Little did I know that the week leading up to the event was THE most stressful time over a longer period, like every day for a week while I was going through the effects of chemotherapy.

All I wanted to do was sleep.

It was so hot, so it was temperature as well.

Pressure because of the humidity with rain, heavy storms, so the weather was impacting greatly.

Remember last week when I said my side mirror broke – well the repercussions from that – wowza!!!

Anyway, got my car back on Thursday evening so that’s all sorted now.

And yes, I do love what I do, and I have absolutely found my passion.

I know that for sure.

We did film, record the event for BWIB, well Danielle did, thank you.  

So will share some of that once we work it all out with Michael Sambolec.

He’s pretty busy though with the Men’s Connection and rightfully so.

An area of obvious need; actually, there is no obvious word here.

The need for support and connection is so blatantly obvious in our world right now and well, always has been. 

Having groups connecting and talking and communicating together about this, whatever your way of seeing it or your viewpoint is different, then talk, listen, communicate – PLEASE!!!!!!!

Friday, I went down the coast with Janice Muir to organize event destinations for the Book Writing retreats – enjoyed the drive in my own car at last; with good company.

However, it must’ve tired me out more than I realized plus I did do that yoga class didn’t I?

Part of the weeks process was a meeting with a guy helping me find space in Wynnum to facilitate groups and successful as it was, there is now a lot of work to be done via Council applications, grants and other modalities that eludes me because

1, I have no internet and

2, it is not my area of expertise.

The beautiful Danielle Chapman though has kindly offered to do a lot of research around this.

Now this space is going to be where we will all benefit.

It’s not just about me.

It is about our Healing Café and it may include an actual café where people will meet and greet one another and share coffee, food, conversation.

This space is formulating in my mind all the time.

It will happen.

I also know that because of mental health challenges in our world right now, there are many grants available to community – it’s just knowing about those, writing tenders for those and knowing wording and all that which is involved with achieving this side of things.

Who does that?

All I really want people is to help heal communication with the human family.

That is what is happening in our world today.

People are not communicating right.

They’re texting.

Look I’m guilty as charged.

Sometimes I do prefer texting to actually talking with somebody.

It’s quicker, less involved, straight to the point…………however……………

It is still a quick fix. 

When I want to talk at an emotional level, then I want to communicate with a person who is being REAL.

I don’t text grandchildren naturally. 

When my kids want to share something about themselves, please TALK to me, talk with me, it is interactive.

This is why that man at Camp Hill had to be the instigator of all the ripples that have gone out since.

Yes, the poor little children had to die.

It had to be that significant an impact for the whole community to STOP.

Assess themselves.

Assess their lives; look at what happened – wondering why – figuring out the real reason.

Yes, it is a job for the coroner and yes, we will know in the end………  Maybe.

However, the little children had to die.

Who was speaking for the children?

Apart from the family – who knew what was going on from the child’s perspective?

This is why I am on the Board of Kids Reunited Inc.

It is a not for profit North Brisbane Children’s Contact Service where people meet to visit with their children if they have become disengaged.

At a personal level, I became interested in the Children’s Contact Service from the perspective of a grandparent; yes, me as a grandmother who was ostracized from her grandchildren from 3 months old.   

Those boys are now 21 and nearly 18 years old; they don’t know me, who I am or what I’m about.

They have been told a story that is not true.

There was no court-order because both parents have to be agreeable.

Both parents were both agreeable to not have me in their children’s lives.

I felt embarrassed, sad, guilty, lonely about what I did not know I had done, said, revealed.  There was nothing.

Nothing was said; nothing communicated – just grief and loss at a level so deep that it undid me and my health.

For years and years, I have on and off tried every thing; every thing.

I have had to accept the pain knowing I cannot do or say anything.

Do not come to me and say have you tried this, have you tried that.

Trust me, I have tried it all, family dispute resolution, letters, texts, confrontation, calls, the lot. 

What is unsettling is the co-operation of my other kids with this dilemma in my life.

To sit back and do nothing is to co-operate with the oppressed, to me is the lowest form of abuse.

YES – this is abuse folks.

It’s called elder abuse and it is not pretty. 

This is another form of domestic violence.

This is emotional abuse; physical abuse, keeping grandchildren away from a grandparent who only wants to love them is physical – there is no contact.

This is psychological, damaging, mental, verbal when I am told they don’t want to talk about it. 

Well I do and how does that help me?

Well it doesn’t does it.

It’s all secretive and hidden and nobody wants to discuss anything and let’s not talk about it. 

Even my son Ben, the one who hasn’t spoken to me, refuses contact. 

How is this in anybody’s ideal of how a family works together? 

Where is the love?  The respect?  The humility?  The compassion?  Understanding?

This is the biggest learning I have had to do around the easing of my soul as it works very very hard on forgiveness, on compassion, on trying to understand and ultimately accept. 

To the point where the stress caused cancer.

Yes, I do believe, that is where it came from; years and years ago of layering upon layer of stress.

Doing everything else to smother the pain and try to take it away and make it better; just not knowing how. 

Everything seemed wrong.   

Dear members watching here; it is not pretty. 

Domestic violence touches us all.

In one form or another we are all affected. 

It’s not just about a man hitting a woman.

It goes very very deep.

It runs at a cellular level and those affected by post traumatic stress through a whole variety of ways including through the DNA carries this and isn’t this why cancer is developing in our world?

People say they know how to help.

Well of course they do.

And first they need to know how they can help themselves first.

To sit with another human being who is suffering, and you know there is nothing you can do except give them space and somehow support at an intuitive level they will find helpful. 

For me, I am no longer embarrassed.

I am no longer ashamed; or guilty; or confused; or even heart broken, I’ve worked on it. 

For years……

I continue to be just saddened by the sheer stupidity of the time wasted.

I have built my life away from my children.

It is a very very difficult road to travel.

Still very close to my daughter, Jessica.

We see each other every week; we know each other; we talk.

We can finish, almost, each other’s sentences. 

Her sister lives in England. 

Rebecca has chosen to not talk, to cut me out of her life.

The reasons are blurred; I have some intuitive considerations however it is her choice.

Her choice. 

Extremely sad that her choice also involves two of my grandchildren. 

Second son, Simon, who did the journey of cancer with me the first time, my first round. 

He is fine, he runs his business, he is de-tached.

His life and how he runs it, again, is his choice.

I see his children every week though and for that I am eternally grateful.

Trying to understand and analyze and presume and to force anything will never work for anybody successfully and I know to grow adult children from teenagers, we must all have a very good memory of what we were like at their age.

My sisters and I have spoken about this. 

When you see or a witness to your kids making mistakes, the hardest thing you can do is to just shut up.

My third son, Luke, has moved to far North Queensland and he and his family of 3 kids with his partner and their new blue heeler puppy, Jill, are very very happy and content and I will check on that fact when I visit them come winter.

I spoke with them all on Thursday, the 20th of the 2nd month 2020 was Lucia’s birthday. 

20.02.2020

She’s now 11 and very excited she has been nominated House Captain and it is Green which happens to be my favourite color anyway.   

Life goes on and families are all about how we survive them.

We can love them unconditionally or we can lose them for 20 plus years because of it.

Mental health challenges do escalate to mental illness if not addressed, talked about, communicated, shared – I believe this is way too important to not.

If you try to protect your kids from the horribleness of what is going on, one day they will sit beside another kid maybe at school or in Church or somewhere else, at a party, who comes from that space or they will work with somebody or they will have it in their lives anyway.

We don’t really know the types of lives people live behind closed doors. 

I thought we were protected as a family.

People used to say oh my gosh, you have such a beautiful family.  Who knew?

And then my son married into it.

How could we know?

He will stay for better or worse for richer or poorer in sickness and in health because his parents did not. 

I honor him in a way for that. 

He has a suffering obligation of love for his family. 

Nothing is permanent.

In the family and with the person.

If you do see changes, bring it out in the open as soon as possible.

Have the conversation. 

The person may not realize what they are doing. 

If they did, they wouldn’t be doing it. 

Why did the father kill himself after the burning of his family?

We all know.

It took that HORROR to make people listen, listen and talk. 

There was a quote on Facebook yesterday from Sanam Wangchuk

“The planet doesn’t need money; it needs behavioural change”

How – listen – listen and tap into intuition listening as well.

Now on a lighter note and moving towards our completion.

Each morning as the day begins and starts up within you,

Just take a few moments before you launch your body out of the bed. 

To honor and appreciate this body you reside in at this time. 

It has kept you alive through the night.

Kept your heart pumping blood throughout your body and brain, lungs breathing oxygen automatically. 

Kept your kidneys filtering, your liver and all of your other organs working even while you slept. 

Intricacies of your brain that functions while you dream and mostly sleep laying motionless except all of that is going on inside anyway. 

Before you launch yourself out of bed, tap into the sounds of nature.

What can you hear?

Birds, traffic, back to nature, waves rolling in, back to the birds – what type of birds?

Honor and respect those that are truly more powerful than we think we are.

They don’t need the extra items we have in our lives to survive. 

They’re all doing just fine.

Evolving with nature – are we?

Start your day slowly.

Your body has been still and inactive for hours.

Ease into the day.

Stretch like your pets, like a cat or a dog, watch nature. 

They know how. 

Allow your body time to go through the elimination process now.

Find out when you prefer to eat.

Find out when does your body accept the food or drink – your body will let you know. 

Your body is not based on a nutritional timetable. 

What are the nutrients?

Strive for quality; strive for basic; natural.

Try not to complicate your life with artificials. 

Your body will let you know. 

Go gently within yourself. 

Listen to your body. 

I never used to. 

I would just be guided by others who I thought were more qualified. 

Continue to grow within with awareness.

Try not to project out to others to listen to you and learn from you before you have complete awareness understanding and acceptance of your own body, mind and spirit as well. 

Thank yourself by looking into your eyes in the mirror in the morning and truly honor and love who you see there. 

I see my Mum.

I thought I was more like my Dad and yet I have my Mum’s eyes and when I look into my own eyes into the mirror and see my Mum, I am happy and I smile and I know I am on the right track.

She’s there, she’s inside of me.       

I’m filled with love and acceptance of myself and whatever else happens is an added bonus and another learning opportunity about myself. 

Enjoy your continuing opportunities for growth along our track here in the Healing Café. 

Thank you for watching and listening.

See you next week, maybe a different place and always the same time – 4.30pm. 

Leave a Comment