Healing Cafe Message 5th April 2020

Welcome to the Healing Café  

I am Kathleen Casagrande and I am the Managing Director of KC Consulting Systems.

Internet problems again however we adapt, don’t we?  Does this all depend upon how flexible we are?

I’ve been told by the Body Corp lady of this complex that she was told the internet would be down till Tuesday – next   – go figure huh?

Boy did I start getting paranoid again, had to watch myself – Kath settle petal. 

So, who’s willing to make do?  Who’s willing to play the game?  Who’s willing to extend themselves into a whole different direction?  Here I am on my mobile phone for goodness sakes. 

Most of our lives will never be the same again after this. 

Who is actually enjoying their solitude?

I am – should I feel guilty – nope, stuff that.  I’ve had 2 years of this, remember.

Go back to what you’re good at – remember for a minute – what did you enjoy doing?  What have you picked up again? 

I re-learned how to cook; yes, I used to for the family of 7 (sometimes 8 or more) remember?

My Macrobiotic cooking classes with my friend Sandy and the gourmet cooking lessons in the kitchen. 

I was all about health food and I’ve returned to that – thank goodness says my body out loud.   

I also love gardening – I swung away from it for a few years – no interest, too busy, too whatever; no time – I’ve been growing stuff to eat as well.

Sharing my cooking of banana bread through the week was hilariously crazy for me, how we can get distracted so easily especially if we have access to the internet and Facebook and whatever else floats your boat.  Always trying to look on the bright side of life. 

Trying to access normality…….

I’m sewing also; well hand-sewing – actually mending holes in things, like favourite t-shirts and tights for yoga. 

Places nobody would see them except me – see I care about me; I care about my body; I care about my mind and what goes into all of those parts of me. 

So, before we get all philosophical now and back to the truth of the matter.

Who really knows the truth?  We can guess by being guided by what is really going on and we see it, we’re all at home aren’t we?  Or are we?

Some of you may have seen me at Redcliffe – yes on my own – last Tuesday for my birthday.

No, according to one of my sons who said “You’re having your own little pity party then” – well no, sorry to disappoint one of your assumptions or presuppositions Simon; you’re not always right.   

I had a brilliant and beautiful time I must say.  And I did hear from grandkids – all 6 of the ones who do talk with me via Facebook Messenger, WhatsApp or Skype or phone or whatever.  We got there; we did. 

Thank you again to those who shared in Facebook and here in the Healing Café, your wonderful messages; I enjoyed and appreciated every single one of them from my heart to yours.   

I stayed at Redcliffe till the sun set over Woody Point and the mountains looking west across the water and the Hornibrook Highway.  Shouted myself some red emperor and chips; best birthday meal – absolutely love, love Redcliffe – I think people know that by now. 

Oh, oh, I must mention here that one reputable Coffee Club, I wasn’t going to say the name except too bad, now I’ve already said it – offer a free coffee of your choice on your birthday and it must be relinquished on your actual birthday which was last Tuesday.

So, I printed out the voucher because as stated, the voucher must be shown with proof of said birthday. 

Now this is the first coffee, real coffee I have had in – well a long, long time so I wanted a good one.  One that tasted like coffee and I’m sorry to say but I was having almond milk and coconut milk coffee for a bit back then and look I use those for my smoothies but not for my coffee – sorry not for my cappuccinos.

So, off I went to the Coffee Club which I knew was open because the message came through that they were still selling take away and I wanted to sit in the car and sip on my coffee on my way to Redcliffe; that was the start of my birthday treat to me. 

So, in I go.  First girl standing at the register, no smile, not happy, no happy birthday Kath, did not get it, did not understand the birthday process on the register. 

Second girl called over to help, wanted to see the actual card; luckily, I had it. 

Said she would not make it with lactose free milk without a charge.  I said but it is any coffee of my choice; she said that does not include choice of milk, very sternly, very inconvenient.  I might add right here that I was the only person in the shop.  There was no que and nobody standing behind me.    

Well, I said, I remember last year where the fellow at a different Coffee Club said, any size, any type of milk, any type of coffee – this is your special day and you get to choose.  What a difference.  Perhaps it would be easier for you if I went back to that Coffee Club?

I was wishing I had gone back to him that day, however I continued explaining how it doesn’t really matter what type of milk I’ve asked for, a birthday is a birthday and it is my choice and I smiled.

She was not happy, not smiling, stated she had to go and talk this over with the Manager.

I said if you have to; for a lousy 60 cents or a dollar or whatever the cost is, then I was willing to wait because then it became a principle.  You get it, don’t you?

She walked over to two people sitting within eye and ear-shot and not that far away from me. 

The woman glared at me as if I was holding the place up and I didn’t even have a mask on.  Geeezz..

She stated harshly, without getting up I might add, we normally do charge for different milk but for today I just don’t care.  It looks like we’ll probably have to close this place down soon anyway.

Well, I asked if she was the franchise owner and she said she wished that she wasn’t but her and a man opposite her who would not even make eye contact with me said that the two of them were really struggling. 

Then she stood up and came over to me.  I took a step back and said, ‘everybody is struggling right now except I’m trying really hard to make the most of the day because it’s my birthday’.

She said how sad to have a birthday at this time.  Can you believe it?  WTF I did allow a squint at her. 

Then the coffee was ready; I grabbed it, noted the girl was NOT wearing gloves and politely said I needed to go. 

There was no way I could listen or choose to stay in that toxic shop any longer.  What an environment?

Wowza, it really is all about attitude hey?

Why do people que to buy coffee from a stall at the front of a shop when the coffee is the same as the Coffee Club or any other dealer who claims to be a success in the industry?

Think about the attitude of the staff.  Who trains these people? 

Who are they buying coffee from – what is that first port of call like? 

Where is the smile for starters – why would anybody buy something from somebody so hostile?

Well, in my case, it was free, and I’ll talk later about free service.

Right now, I’m amplifying the importance of ATTITUDE.

Trust me when I say this – ATTITUDE IS EVERYTHING.    

I used to go into that particular café with clients mainly for the coffee, buy one get one free deal, except the staff in that particular shop or Club, had this horrid attitude – didn’t want to take an order; we had to order at the counter. 

Didn’t want to get a glass of water; we had to go and get our own – this was last year, well before this virus stuff came out. 

Didn’t want to wipe the table one day when the place was full of people and the table was messy.  The girl groaned, rolled her eyes and I said if it’s too much trouble, and she flounced off.

I think that was the last time I went in there actually.  Meant to write to the owner then decided I couldn’t be bothered, or it was too time-consuming – my time – so I thought – stuff it.  You know?

How many businesses go out of business because of their stinking attitude?

They say “IT” didn’t work – no YOU didn’t work IT.

That’s the size of it. 

One thing I did learn – well I learned heaps actually… from the Amway business I was in years ago – around 30 years actually – still am in the business except I don’t run it as a business anymore.

I buy the products, still love them except don’t market it like I used to.  One thing was the training and it was all about attitude, doing the right thing by the customer, selling top quality then people did not mind what they paid, it was about quality of product, service, person – a personal service with a quality product.  It wasn’t about the cost; my customers knew about the quality and that’s why they bought it. 

I think that’s where my workaholism started actually.  With the Amway business I developed.  Going to their meetings at night and working the business during the day, beauty breaks, incorporating it into everything I did at the school, kindy, craft, aerobics, family members, friends. 

I actually loved it.  I was still doing Amway while I was studying counselling and then working at Drug Arm, I fell in love with that type of work, more supporting people, not necessarily with any products, it was about supporting them at a very personal level because it became about them and not about me selling anything. 

I was using the vitamins, Nutriway, another Amway product, while I was working there.

My kids would pay out on me pushing the health thing and by taking the vitamins.  At one stage, Gingko Biloba and Siberian Ginseng or Siberian horse shit they would say.  I was high on health, boosted by adrenalin from the aerobics I was hooked into.  No yoga for me in those days, it was all go, go, go, go, go.  Geeez, I had become like my clients on speed.  I even gave up Tai Chi – said I didn’t have time.   

Considering myself so healthy except burning out fast, my supervisor at that time, Rowena Solomon – and I might say I still have her as one of my supervisors.  She would have to be the most profound and brilliantly knowledgeable and forgiving type of person I know.  I so respect her. 

Anyway, Rowena said to me one day, and I have never forgotten it:  We all have our addictions Kath.  I said, “well I don’t” She said Kath what do you have every day? What keeps you going and fired up.  I have coffee first thing in the morning she said.  Well I said I don’t drink coffee and I didn’t in those days.  I don’t even drink tea; I only have vitamins.  She said if you’re having vitamins every day then you have an addiction.  They make you feel good; you think you need them, and you couldn’t function without them, right?”

I said absolutely, those vitamins stop me from getting sick, they keep me healthy and I function better.

She said you are exactly like your clients who are using their drugs for the same reasons – different drugs; same results; their drugs are their medicine.  Their drugs stop them from thinking, remembering, being healthy and functioning to the level they can cope or can’t cope. 

That was my learning; that’s where it started.  The story is theirs – it’s about the WHY?

Addictions – who has them?

Who is addicted to their coffees?  Latte? Chocolate?  Medicine?  Exercise? Food? Gambling? Sex? Toys?  – yeah maybe sex toys – what I meant was computer games and things, social media, YouTube, Netflix.      

I’m a bit addicted to social media now.  Look at me go on this while I have no internet huh?

Social media kept me normal through cancer.  Well sort of normal.  Reaching out and needing that contact with others, looking for their opinions, information, support, contact without contact – weird – we live in a crazy, weird and different world now.  All in isolation or alleged isolation. 

I’ve had a few interviews with people in the last few weeks who have taken offence to my offering my service for a cost, they say they just want to chat.

See my time is my service; I chat with my friends and family and it’s not about work, it’s personal. 

If you want to chat or have a conversation about your work and are looking for feedback or an opinion or support with what I do, then that is my work, my service. That is what I do for business and that costs. 

I do not run a free service and as I said last week:  Do you get anything in your home or your life or your body or your mind for free – no – right. 

Do you go to your health professional for free – somebody pays.

Now a fellow I admire very much and had a year of coaching with him at the start of my consultancy practice, Jeffrey Slayter and here is what he said recently: 

JEFF SLAYTER SAYS………

“Hopefully one day you’ll wake up to the fact that essentially it’s your perception of the value of your own service or product and you’ll start to invest in yourself and leave behind your limited mindset that everything should be free.

Are you basically saying you should give your stuff away for free for the rest of your life? How do you expect to sustain yourself doing that?

I hate to break it to you but we’re not there yet. Mortgages need to be paid, your car needs fuel and you need food on your plate.

The truth is that money is just an amplifier. When you develop the courage to invest in yourself and burn the idea that everything should be free, you’ll discover something new on the other side of it.

What you’ll discover is the value in yourself and your relationship to what you bring to this world.

How many more free events are you going to waste my time in? Or other people’s? But most of all your own?

Yes, I offer free events and some people get immense value out of them and never continue to work with me. Yet the ones who do… tend to have far different results from the people who don’t.

The choice is yours.

I make these events free so I can give first and I also have the opportunity to get to know you. Essentially, it’s an interview process. I’m just looking for my people and weeding out the tyre kickers.”

Remember Jeffrey Slayter said this, and yes, it is harsh and yes, he never pulled any punches while I was working with him and yes, I agree wholeheartedly.  Well told me what I needed to hear anyway. 

Do not give your skills away – if you feel bad or guilty or whatever, you need to work more on your SELF.    

I love working with people.  I love sharing experiences.  Not everybody relates to me and that’s fine. 

I don’t relate to most people actually. 

Unfortunately, some of those I’m related to, they’re relatives, not family and some have married my kids, even my own children. 

Aaahhhhh my family, they used to hurt me the most.

I had to so work on that for the health of my own well-being and my body.  

Most are out of my control so try not to be drawn into the illusion that things stay the same forever; we wish hey?  Or for some of us – we don’t wish, best not to or safest. 

All I know is, the people who are in my life for a reason, a season or a lifetime, know who they are and the ones I do, I have for life. 

Beautiful chatting again, without interruption – try it sometime – share what you’re up to; some of us are listening.  😉

Michael we will want to know how the Men’s Connection goes after this.

Not content: just how it goes.

We need you and your presence – yes, men in particular. 

So, see you all next week, I hope. 

Stay safe; stay healthy; try not to get addicted to solitude like me – hahahaaa only joking.

I’m looking forward to receiving those hugs again especially from my grandchildren and big sloppy kisses ONLY from grandchildren thank you very much.   

Namaste

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